Oh, I still take classes, memorize monologues and look at grant applications like they are some beacons of hope that will take me away from all of this office drudgery, but I can’t help but still feel guilty somehow. Like taking the day job and not being the starving artist anymore is somehow doing a disservice to my career. Perhaps what I am missing is this suffering of the starving artist that I used to be. I miss it…it was what I was used to. Everyday, I think about chucking all this stability and going back to my old schedule and am slightly cheered on by the decreasing values of others 401Ks that are dropping all around me.
With the current times, I have to wonder where I am better off. Sure, art does thrive in chaos, but the problem is – my life feels like anything but chaotic anymore. Which feels awesome in some aspects, but definitely weird in others. For example, I can finally afford to see Broadway shows and take that cab all the way to Washington Heights every once in a while if I need to, but the rush and spontaneity of the biz are not as bright and shiny as it used to be. There must be more. I contemplate about having savings and find myself desiring more security in my future. However, I contemplate more about my career in theater and what sacrifices I will have to make to “make it”. It’s a terrible catch-22. Yes, I’m a member of a union, but given my job situation, I am limited in what kind of acting work I can pick up. So I stand on the sidelines near a big pool I want to swim in.
Friday, October 10, 2008
The Day Job Before the Storm
Sarah Pauley writing at the blog Extracriticum, muses about the decision she has made to take a day job: