Monday, June 20, 2005

Ah The Classics!

Kind of off the topics, but I got an e-mail from Amazon advertising a great deal:

As someone who has recently purchased literary classics, you might like to know that the Penguin Classics Library is now available in one complete collection--only at

"The Penguin Classics Library Complete Collection"List Price: $13,317.74Our Price: $7,989.99You Save: $5,327.75 (40%)

Almost half off! Wow!

As many of the reader's comments on Amazon point out...the shipping weight alone is 700 pounds. Although the listing clearly disqualifies the option, I think 1082 books more than qualifies for "super saving shipping."

Seriously though, would somebody want this? (I wonder if it includes the new Hilary Clinton Expose!)

I guess having access to that many classics on your wall would kind of be like having a tactile internet. Just pull books off the shelf, and get a bit of DH Lawrence here, a bit of Milton there.

In fact, it may help one to compose something like the Anatomy of Melancholy. (Which, by the way, does not seem to be listed as a Penguin Classic.) Or maybe The Wasteland.

Or it could provide the perfect setting for some refined wacko to lure in his unsuspecting quarry. Just like on those old Radio Suspense Dramas.

Announcer: Tonight on SussssPense! We have Vincent Price as Richard and Katherine Stanton as Juliet in a tale of terror and Suspense!!!

(Sounds of a Door Opening and Richard and Katherine Coming home to Richard's Apartment.)

Richard: Oh, I hope you had a pleasant time, Juliet.

Juliet: Oh, it was wonderful.

Richard: Yes, they seemed to enjoy it.

Juliet: Your reading of Dante 's Inferno was just the thing to get the people in this stuffy little town to warm up to you. They were all impressed.

Richard: All except that Mrs. Margaret.

Juliet: Oh, she's all right. She's just a little suspicious of outsiders, and what with you buying this old house that nobody has lived in since...I'm sorry Richard.

Richard:That's quite all right Juliet. I am used to being considered an outsider. And as you can see, this old house really isn't so bad. Sure it creaks a little bit in the wind, but it is my home.

Juliet: It sure is. Say, what is that?

Richard: What do mean?

Juliet: That, in the room.

Richard: Oh....that. That is just my Complete Penguin Classics collection. Would you like a closer look?

(Music Cue: Spooky music flows through the rest of the scene.)

Juliet: Is this what came in all those crates?

Richard: It is expensive, I know, but I can't be without my Penguins.

Juliet: There are so many of them. And...why are these ones different.

Richard: What do you mean?

Juliet: Those ones, they seem to have book covers on them. What a strange texture. Almost like...

Richard: Like what, Juliet?

Juliet: Well, I feel silly, even thinking it but they are almost like human skin.

You get the idea.

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